Recently, I have noticed this growing trend especially amongst wives and Mothers going under the guise of ‘self care’. You may have also heard of it as ‘mommy me time’ or similar.
On the surface, this seems pretty harmless. After all, we as wives and Mothers, whether working or home-makers, understand that we as woman can get quite overwhelmed and exhausted at times. (Although many woman today won’t admit to it, but we are the weaker vessel of the sexes and I don’t believe it is a coincedence that God made us this way either.)
So, is there any wonder why woman would seek to cling to this idea or philosophy going around that we need to make more time for intentional ‘self care’.
The idea behind this philosophy seems to be a selfless one. That in order to take care of those around me, I first need to take care of me.
As Christian woman, we need to ask ourselves if this is a Christian principle?
The closest I can find to this idea in scripture is where Jesus left the crowds to be alone with the Father. To be filled and refreshed, so that He could then go out again to be with the People. Yes we do need to be filled with God’s spirit in order to serve others. We cannot do it in our own strength. That means that when we feel stressed, frustrated, impatient and just plain over others, we need go to the Lord to be strengthened, to be refreshed and restored.
Isaiah 40:29-31
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
So what about this philosophy of ‘self-care’?
Wikipedia defines it this way:
In philosophy, self–care refers to the care and cultivation of self in a comprehensive sense, focusing in particular on the soul and the knowledge of self.
Other sites describe it in a more comprehensive approach, sort of an umbrella of self-care, self-love, self-respect, self-nuture.
Did you notice the common denominator here? SELF, SELF, SELF!
This is not what I see taught in the bible. The bible teaches that when we are not walking in submission and obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ, then we are selfish and carnally minded.
For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s. Philipians 2:21
For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, [unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 2 Timothy 3:2-4
We are naturally self-seeking and self-serving. We want what’s in our own best interest, even if on the outside it may not appear so to others. Even children need to be trained out of selfishness and to learn that other people matter too. God goes a step further to say that He MUST come first, then others, then self. It’s not self-seeking, it’s self-denial. That is NOT what the world tells us.
Compared to the world, God’s Kingdom is upside down. It’s not self, but others that we should be focused on. The two greatest commandments are this:
36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”Matthew 22:36-40
Notice how we should love thy neighbor as yourself. We already want what’s best for ourselves. We need to get away from this self mentality.
Do not cling to vain philosophies
Not to get out of balance, it is not wrong to take time out or do enjoyable things! God does want us to enjoy our lives and the blessings that he gives to us, family, friends, fellowship, hobbies and interestes etc. I am not condemning woman for doing things for themselves or enjoying life. I am however condemning these type of philosophies that promote the idea that in order to find happiness, peace, self-esteem, strength and motivation, we need to nuture ourselves, care for ourselves and somehow find fufilment in and of ourselves. This can be dangerous territory.
The expectation that we “deserve” this or that, can lead to discontentment. Woman can very quickly feel that their lives are not what they should be and that they are missing out, hence the tendency to complain and a lack of gratitude or ability to see all of the good things they do have. I’ve seen the fruit of this online as well as in real life where a woman needs more and more ‘me time’ in order to feel happy or to be fufilled. It’s not healthy. It’s not of God.
The Antidote to self-seeking
Ironically, living a selfless life is where we will find true joy and fufilment. A life lived as unto the Lord with a MUCH greater purpose than seeking self. Living for Christ is never a dull journey! Even the most humble un-noticed life can be full or pure joy, fufillment and expectation as each day is a mystery as to how the Lord may work in your life and use you for His greater purpose. Yes, the fact that God, the Creator of the Universe, uses a humble home-maker to raise Godly offspring for the next generation is really quite remarkable!
The Truth is that outside of God, without a relationship with Jesus, we will never be truly fufilled.
So how do we find this Joy and contentment in Christ?
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Mathew 6:33
Yes dear ladies, this is where it is at. If we first seek the Kingdom of God, living for Him, then He will give us real joy, peace and fufilment that nothing else can ever truly do. We need to stop following the ways of the world that promise to give us what we feel we are missing. God has everything we need. The Proverbs 31 woman is a great example of what serving others and taking care of our households should look like. I encourage you to read and study this passage.
Let’s be both motivated and satisfied with our life in Christ, looking to serve God and others to find happiness and joy in Him.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philipians 2:4
I really enjoyed this article! I’ve been having these feelings, as well about self-care. Women today are not nearly as hard-working as previous generations, especially not the Proverbs 31 woman. We have many conveniences today… Washers, dryers, ovens, etc. We’re spoiled.
As Christian women, we put ourselves last because that is how we put ourselves first. We will have so much more peace and a refreshed spirit when we give instead of take. This is the fulfillment many women need desperately in our generation.
Hello Sister! Thank you for your comment! I’m glad that you see how blessed we are with modern conveniences and how serving others is what truly refreshes and fulfills us. You are right, our generation desperately needs this. Resting is good however there is far too much in our culture today telling us to seek self fulfillment and gratification. God bless you!
Amen and amen! I’ll look forward to continually reading your blog. God bless you, dear sis!
I’m glad to read this. Beautiful read. I have not always been one to have much feminine self-care. Maybe I have been a bit of a tomboy in that way since childhood. I have overdone perhaps a bit of “me time” or selfish time. Recently, I invested in a product to help me with self care which is good. I think the self-care and serving others should be balanced, but never keep a “self-preservation” mentality. Life should be God and others-focused with eternity in mind.